Open Forum

It is 12:36 am and I can’t sleep. No, the knot deep inside my stomach does not stem from the typical Wednesday. I hear some man yelling. This usually occurs about 10:30 to about 11:30 pm, but not every night. It sounds like he is on the phone. Perhaps his audience is sitting silent and scared. Maybe he is yelling at the television. Who knows. Typical of most urban dwellers, I do not know this guy. I do not know many of my neighbors. When I do see anybody, it is usually “hi,” or a nod of acknowledgment. But this guy is quite distinct. I am told that he is of Middle Eastern descent. I hear a unfamiliar and foreign (to me), accented language when he yells. It isn’t always anger though. Sometimes I hear laughter and music. Most of the time, it is yelling. I now sleep with earplugs. And when it gets hot, I run a box fan. The combination usually muffles most noises. Lately, it has been kind of chilly.

So why does this keep me up and why am I typing away? I realized that my reaction to this guy’s yelling affects me deeper than I originally suspected. I wanted to know why so I had to ask myself a question. What were the reasons that caused my neighbor to yell so much? After some time, I realized that it may be both cultural and sociological. This guy could be asserting his status during conversation. Or maybe he is debating with a friend. Maybe he was speaking to an elderly person with hearing problems. A poor phone connection? Or maybe he was reacting to his treatment of discrimination because of his ethnicity. All of these reasons were popping up in my head. I then realized that this guy may be reacting to what many people feel is a sense of uncertainty and anxiety. Why would I consider the last reason?

63 years ago, my father and his family was relocated to a camp because of their Japanese ancestry. I remember the stories that my dad told me about his experiences. For the most part, he was very calm and relaxed. But on occasion, his temper flared. And when it did, he yelled. His rage was reminiscent of my neighbor. It occurred only on occasion. But after a short period, he would stop. I would listen in my bed, feigning sleep. I would not sleep well those nights. When my dad died, I was almost turning 19 years of age. I knew then that he died with anger in his heart about his experiences. Because he kept it inside most of the time, I could see how this ate away his insides. Still, his anger was stifled by his need to maintain a calm exterior. Being a child himself, I guess my dad was told to  keep quiet. As an adult, the rage did appear, if only for a short period.

Today, I am faced with a neighbor who sounds very much like my dad did 30 years ago. His rage appears to come and go. I believe that it is because of his experiences of discrimination. I was  told that he is from Iran. When the present Iranian president was denounced by our government and allies for his recent speech to 4000 college students, this along with the fear that Iran is enriching plutonium is a concern for may Americans. This despite the fact that our country is presently at war with a group that is not mutually exclusive in ethnic identity. This is the core difference in comparison to the Japanese of over 60 years ago. At least when relocated, the Japanese people knew where they stood in terms of the American government policy towards them. What certainty do most patriotic Muslims and Middle Eastern people face? All it takes is for the alert level color to change one shade and the knots inside the guts of many tighten.

So why does this situation concern me? I realize that the yelling is a reminder of what I felt when I was a child. As stated before, my dad didn’t yell often, it was more sporadic. Mostly he was very calm and happy. But it was those incidents that allow me to forget the essentials. I did not understand why my dad raged. I still do not. But there is a familiarity with this guy. And yet, I still forget to consider what he is experiencing.  Rather, I want to tell him to “shut up.”  And that is what bugs me. There is uncertainty that may feed his anxiety and anger. Can you blame him for raging? He potentially faces some bizarre policies in the name of national security. That is why I have a knot inside my stomach. I must fight the urge to dispel the idea that his concerns are  unimportant. If I do not, then how can I face the legacy of my own father, or the other internees, or my neighbor? More importantly, how can I sleep at night?

- Quincy Kawada, author, written after reading about Chaplain Yee